What helps an alcoholic more....leaving them until they change or sticking around to help???

Question

One minute my boyfriend says he wants help, and that he needs my support. The next minute he says he doesn't need me, or his family or anyone. He calls me names and says the meanest things (when hes sober too), lies to me about contacting a girl he has a history with, and today he told me to stopping b*tching to him and leave him alone. I asked him if he wanted me to leave him for good and he said I probably should. He knows I really care about him, so I think he feels comfortable taking his pain out on me because he knows that I'll still be there for him. But its still no excuse.

I'm very confused on what he actually wants. He is soo depressed, so I feel like leaving him until he changes could either hurt him more or make him decide to do what he needs to do.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

People tend to gravitate towards others that match their own problems.

When someone is an alcoholic they tend to matchup with people who are called "enablers".

An enabler does things like make excuses to others for the alchoholic's drinking and behavior. In some ways, the enabler has just as much of a problem as the alcoholic.

You cannot change anyone. That is a very important lesson to learn in life. You can only change yourself. That means you have a choice to make in this situation.

You can stay with him and go through everything an enabler does with an alcoholic. It's a very tough road to go down. If you chose that way, please understand that there is nothing you can do about his alcoholism. Nothing. If he ever choses to get help, it is something he will have to do totally on his own. There is nothing you can say or do to change that - ever.

The other thing you can do is walk away from him and don't look back. It is his choice to take the road of alcoholism, but it's your choice on whether you want to take that long slide down with him.

If you need more information, attend a local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. They will tell you all that you need to know about dealing with alcoholics.

Answer 2

"I asked him if he wanted me to leave him for good and he said I probably should."

There is your answer.

You may be surprised at how relieved you are after you are free from him and his problems.

Answer 3

well if he is mean to you even when he is sober that is definately and unhealthy relationship you should sit him down and tell him if he doesnt get his act together you will leave

Answer 4

You stay, your enabling him. Be there for him, but at a distance.

Answer 5

Sticking around and 'helping' is often called enabling. If you're already experiencing problems like this from a boyfriend, don't let him turn into your husband. Cut your losses and leave him. Maybe he'll get the message and get help.

Answer 6

take each day step by step if he needs u there be there but also remember there mite be days he needs to deal with alone , and jus give him that space he needs. best of luck

Answer 7

well he is using u , especially by seeing otehr chicks. Just bcuz he depressed that dosn't give him the right or the right to dump his crap on you. HE needs help!!!!!!!!! He should be lbrought to a psychologists or go to alcoholics annonymous. His he suicidadl?? He should also be put in one of those alcoholics homes where its like a rehabilitation home. I wouldn't stick around much but if u leave him he may get hurt but in all reality he is hurting himself. U should back off for a bit but he needs help and everybody needs to get involved in this. If he rufuses well then u should move on he is not your burden he is a grown man, and should know wat he is doing.
Whatever u do lock yuor doors and if he trie sto hit u then call the police u ain'y gotta take that crap. But i would stick around but detached until he is fully better he needs help! Try and help him ...olook in teh phone book or ask a doctor

Answer 8

An alcoholic can only change on their own. You being around only makes it easier not to change.

Answer 9

My guess is that leaving him or staying to help him are both going to have no bearing whatsoever on his continued alcoholic behaviour. Its just the nature of alcoholism. The people around an alcoholic are really not that important to him, drinking is. I bet if you look back on his life he has had others like yourself who have loved and cared for him who have gone because they got over him or gave up. You know what, I bet he doesn't even care that they aren't there now and he probably wont care when you go, he'll grab another drink and find another mug to look after him.

I have a good friend who wasted 3 years of her life with an alcoholic boyfriend. The crunch came when he pissed in her bed in his sleep. She dumped him the next morning and joined an archery club. She met a new guy there who takes her out and does lovely things for her and with her and he doesn't have an addiction to drugs or alcohol. She is important to him not the next drink!

Who cares if you're cranky alcoholic boyfriend ever stops drinking, I bet you wont once you move on and date someone much better for YOU!

Just realise his drinking and you are seperate issues as far as he's concerned and you aint gonna stop him doing it.